Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
