at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
