In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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