I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
