I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
