I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
