Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
