Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
