what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
