Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
