I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
