Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
