tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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