he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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