dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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