Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
