Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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