he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
