Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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