I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
