Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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