Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
