Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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