I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
