I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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