is your mom at the bar?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
