the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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