So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
