He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
