I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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