I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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