yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
