so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
