I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
