Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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