Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
