i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
