I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
