I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
