I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
