Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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