I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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