im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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