Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
