they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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