Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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