She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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