Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
