Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
