Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
