you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
