Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
