i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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