god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
