last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
