those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
