No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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