I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
