I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
