he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
