Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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