I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
