i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
