I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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