I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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