Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
