Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
