Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
