When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
